Justify Your Existence

Apparently 10 Things I Hate About You is now a TV show.

I have to agree with the article’s writer in that my first question when I heard about this was “Why?”. It’s all kind of random and bizarre. But I’ll probably watch the first episode anyway…

Flashback Friday: It Never Rains in Southern California

No, not the Tony Toni Tone song. But sitting here in Northern California while it pours outside inspired me to write a new post (which I haven’t done in like forever, I know, I know). So anyway…

Why is it that almost every teen show ever is set in Southern California? Even my favorite Canadian teen show has four upcoming episodes set in Hollywood.  Oh mythic California, with your pristine beaches and hunky surfers and bikini-clad girls on rollerblades. Where there’s no smog or sprawl or traffic…

I remember back in college when Anh-Thu and I stumbled across a cheap copy of Season 1. Not that Sweet Valley High: Season 1 is ever really going to be expensive.

Anyway, we put an episode on. It was derivative, cheesy, poorly written, and poorly acted.

Of course, I loved it.

This is the basic premise of every single episode of Sweet Valley High: “Bad twin” Jessica does something mean, spiteful, shallow or just generally shady. She totally thinks she’s going to get away with it and might even come pretty close. Then it all blows up in her face and “Goody goody twin” Elizabeth helps her get out of the mess. Then everyone’s like “Ha ha, Jess really learned her lesson this time…”

Except that no, she did not learn a thing because the whole cycle starts again the next episode.

Needless to say, I think we ended up watching most of the season that night.

When I was a kid I was also quite fond of this little show:

Oh yeah, California Dreams. Aside from applying the same old 90s teen sitcom tropes, this show had a few bonuses: 1) It was about kids in a band so you got lots of cheesy songs. Not as many as MMC or Kids Incorporated, but still. None of this Zack Attack bullshit where it’s limited to a few episodes. 2) The blasian factor.

Aww...

Sunday Bitter Sunday: The L Word

*contains spoilers*

I was in danger of having my gay card revoked so I finally sat down and watched the final season of The L Word.

We were not amused.

There were some choice moments like the one below with Alice, Tasha, and Jamie dressed like Salt N Pepa and dancing to “Push It”:

But overall it was a crappy show. The L Word is one of those shows that could never really decide what it wanted to be. With the final season they made the (incredibly misguided) attempt to turn it into a murder mystery. But what’s the point of a murder mystery if you don’t have a big reveal at the end? Instead we get an off-screen death, no clear resolutions of anything, and a stupid three minute montage of the cast walking in slow motion and smiling as a wind machine blows their hair:

(the walking part starts at about 55 seconds in)

Dumb.

But after six seasons, I think I know what the “L” in The L Word stands for:

Lazy.

First there’s the lack of consistent characterizations. Plus the total disregard for continuity. Heavy-handedness with foreshadowing (if you can call it foreshadowing when everything is so obviously telegraphed). Then the reduction of most characters of color to little more than stereotypes. It seemed like nearly every sentence Pam Grier’s character said had a “Girl!” in it somewhere. And then the shitty way the transgendered character was portrayed. They couldn’t think of anything for him to do so they did an asinine “plucked from the headlines” pregnant man storyline. And I could go on and on and on…

It seems like if the creator were better able to think beyond her white, upper class lesbian world and, I don’t know do a little research, be consistent, and really try, the show could have been a lot more. It was fun in a “this is terrible yet I can’t stop watching it” kind of way, but I can’t say I’m really sad to see it go.

But still, I’m really, really glad that Jenny died.

If America’s Next Top Model were a drinking game…

we would all die of alcohol poisoning. I watched the Cycle 12 premiere this week adhering to these four simple rules. You drink when there’s:

1.crying
2.screaming
3.cheesy gimmicky catchphrases
4.“sage” advice from Tyra

Yeah. I had to stop about 10 minutes in when the girls were all screaming and Tyra was referring to herself as the “Goddess of Fierce”. But I think this Cycle has potential so far. Not to produce an actual top model of course (because that’s never been the goal), but to be a complete trainwreck of epic proportions.

Flashback Friday: The Beets

Sorry I haven’t posted in forever, I’ll try to remedy that.

Today I bring you my favorite fictional band from a 90’s era cartoon:

“Killer Tofu” sounds like an awesome horror B-movie. I can totally see some girl screaming as a massive block of tofu jiggles menacingly.

Bonus- Doug and Skeeter singing “Bangin’ on a Trash Can”:

Learn Your Rules

Whether you’re a fan of The Office or not, this is fucking hilarious:

God, I love Rainn Wilson.

Sunday Bitter Sunday #8

Thank you to everyone who came to me and my roommate’s pre-Thanksgiving celebration last night, I had a great time. But despite a great party and the cuteness of puppy cam, me and Bitter Batman are still bitter:

Sunday Bitter Sunday #8: People who don’t watch TV and are smug about it

It’s happened more times than I can count. You’re chatting with someone about some mundane thing and you mention a TV show you like. And then they say, “Oh, I don’t watch TV.”

These people suck.

It’s not that they don’t watch TV. There’s nothing wrong with not watching TV or not owning a TV. There’s also nothing wrong with watching or owning a TV. No, the problem with these people is that they’re so fucking smug about it. There is always something in their inflection that says they think they’re better than you and that they’re above watching TV. That watching TV is a province of the proles and the unwashed masses, not enlightened, cultured individuals such as themselves. And aside from being smug and condescending, there’s also the problem of buying into the whole high culture/low culture divide. Sure there are a lot of shitty TV shows out there, but had I written off the entire medium because of Two and a Half Men, I would have missed out on great stuff like Six Feet Under and Arrested Development.

And the funny thing that I’ve noticed is that a lot of these people do watch TV. But because they watch it via Netflix or on their computer it somehow doesn’t count.

It’s okay to watch TV, people. You don’t have to be ashamed. And if you truly don’t watch TV, you don’t have to be a dick about it.

Flashback Friday #4: Halloween Edition

This show used to scare the crap out of me:

I always wanted to be a member of the Midnight Society, they were pretty awesome.